Vow of Silence Read online

  “Thank ya for the ride home,” Hannah told the deacon as the buggy came to a stop. “I know ye’re upset about Abby, but please, try not to blame yerself. It wasn’t yer fault.”

  “I’ll see ya Sunday, Hannah…”

  She nodded, knowing there was nothing more she could say. There had been no consoling words anyone could have given her, either. She climbed down from the buggy and the moment she stepped clear of the wheel, it lurched forward, making a wide turn down the driveway. Hannah headed up the steps and paused, noticing that for the first time since Jacob died, they didn’t wobble.

  Abel’s buggy was parked near the barn. Darn, she’d hoped to get home before he arrived. Hannah entered the house, and all was silent. Abel sat in the living room reading a book near the fireplace. Eli was on the floor busy drawing a picture with Dexter sprawled out next to him, nose resting inches from the page, watching her son intently. She closed the door, and all heads turned her way.

  “Ma!” Eli scrambled to his feet and ran over to her, throwing his arms around her hips and hugging her tight.

  “Hi, sweetheart…” she hugged him back, and Dexter came over to nose her hand for some attention. “How was your day?”

  “It was great, ma! Dexter is so smart, he fetches and everything!”

  “Well, ya both look very tired. Why don’t ya head upstairs and get ready for bed? I’ll be up shortly, and we’ll read a bedtime story.”

  “Okay…” Eli bounded up the stairs with Dexter happily trailing after him.

  She smiled as she watched them go. Abel closed his book and set it aside. “Thank ya for keepin’ him with ya today,” Hannah said, stepping into the living room and taking a seat on the couch. “I didn’t expect to be gone so long.”

  “You never did tell me where ya were goin’.”

  No, she hadn’t, and she didn’t want to. Abel wouldn’t approve, and she was too exhausted to argue with him. She couldn’t avoid a run-in between Abel and Josiah forever, but later rather than sooner would be nice.

  “How long are ya gonna keep doin’ this, Hannah?”

  How long was Abel going to keep pushing her?

  “It’s been almost a year I’ve been watchin’ ya struggle. I don’t mind lettin’ the boy tag along with me, but Hannah, ya need help.”

  Maybe she did. But why did Abel’s “help” have to come with such a hefty price tag attached? She headed to the kitchen and began washing the few dishes in the sink. Hannah could hear him moving around behind her, his footsteps growing closer. She tensed when the scent of cherry-wood tobacco touched her nose. It wasn’t uncommon for Amish men to smoke, but she hated the smell.

  “We’re a good match, Hannah. Ya can’t deny it. The boy’s already my kin.”

  She closed her eyes and prayed for patience. The sad truth was, he was right. She couldn’t argue with his logic. But she couldn’t have this conversation…not again, not now. Turning around, she found him standing much too close and backed up against the sink, trying to put some space between them. There was something different about him tonight. He seemed more persistent, a little on edge, and the change in him caught her off guard. Did he know Josiah was back? Was he trying to stake his claim? She’d already been sold to the highest bidder once, she wasn’t about to be bartered for again.

  “Ya don’t want to marry me, Abel. I haven’t anythin’ to offer ya.”

  His gaze flickered over her, a brief head-to-toe sweep that made her feel like she was wearing much less than the dark blue wool dress that grazed the toes of her worn black boots. The fine hairs at the nape of her neck prickled with unease. Slowly, he raised his hand, the back of his knuckles brushing lightly against her cheek.

  “I disagree. T’would be no hardship to marry ya.”

  Hannah flinched, anxiety curdling her gut at his unexpected boldness. She didn’t care for the husky lilt of his voice; tension stole through her as she resisted the shivering chill.

  “Ready, Ma…” Eli’s little voice carried down the stairs.

  “I’ll be right there,” she called, grateful for the excuse to leave. Then to Abel she said, “I think ya should go. It’s not proper for ya to be here so late in the evenin’.”

  She tried to move past him, and he caught her arm. His insistent grip unsettling her. “Hannah, I—”

  A knock on the door interrupted him. “I need to get that.” She stepped away from him, but he didn’t let her go. She gave her arm a little tug, freeing it from his grip, then went to the door and pulled it open.

  And immediately regretted it.

  “Everything all right in here?”

  …

  “Josiah…”

  He barged inside without waiting for an invitation, nor did he expect one.

  In the time it’d taken the deacon to bring Hannah home, Joe had finished up at the Hennessey’s and snuck into the barn, where he’d settled in for the night. He was reading Cassie’s diary by lamplight when the buggy pulled up. He’d watched her climb the porch steps and smiled when she paused to test her weight on the stair he’d repaired.

  Joe went back to reading, keeping an ear out for the door. Abel should be leaving anytime, and he wanted to apologize to Hannah for getting high-handed with her at the Hennessey’s. He’d let his emotions get the best of him. He didn’t trust Deputy Mills, and Hannah’s confirmation had proven his instincts correct. The deputy had lied to him, and not for the first time. As soon as he got to the station tomorrow, Joe was getting to the bottom of it. Maybe he should be fingerprinting that asshole along with Heinz.

  When several minutes passed, he glanced back at the house and spotted Hannah through the kitchen window, backed against the sink. Abel was standing far too close. He’d like to think if she’d appeared receptive to the contact, he would have stayed in the loft and minded his own business, but Joe knew for a fact after their conversation in the car that wasn’t the case. It was time for Abel to leave—now.

  “Josiah, what are ya doin’ here?”

  “I’m checking to make sure you got home safe. That everything was all right.”

  “Well, ya don’t have to be concerned. I’m just fine.”

  “Didn’t look that way from my view,” he told her, lowering his voice. His hushed whisper came out sounding more like a growl.

  Understanding dawned in her eyes as she realized he’d been in the loft—watching her.

  “So…the rumors are true.” Abel came around the table and stepped toward Hannah. The man refused to look at him, though not from any cowardice. This was straight-up shunning.

  He and Abel Adams had history, and in a society that revered peace and passivity, all the times the two youths had resorted to their fists to solve their problems had stained both their reputations—and had possibly caused Josiah his future.

  “The prodigal son returns… But why is he here, Hannah? Why are ya lettin’ a shunned man into my brother’s house, and at this hour no less? Have ya no idea what you’re doin’?”

  Hannah spun on Abel so fast he didn’t have time to mask his surprise—nor did Joe. Not many people knew Hannah had a temper. Joe was glad to see that the years had not diminished her fire.

  “Let’s get one thing straight, Abel Adams. This is my house. I work for it. I pay the rent. And I decide who is welcome in it.”

  He had to admit, it was more amusing to watch someone else take her tongue-lashing than to be on the receiving end of it. Had he really raced down here thinking she needed rescuing? If anyone was going to need assistance, it was this jackass.

  “And for yer information, I know exactly what I’m doin’,” she continued. “I’m helpin’ a police detective catch my sister’s killer, and if I have to break the Ordnung to do it, then so be it. If ya can’t accept that, then ya best be shunnin’ me too.”

  Abel stepped toward her and reached for her hand. “Ya don’t mean that, Hannah.”

  She snatched her arm back and set her chin in that stubborn tilt Joe knew and loved—or maybe it was j
ust this woman he loved so much, because everything about her melted his heart, even her uncommon temper.

  “I most certainly do. I think ya should be leavin’ now.”

  “Ma…how much longer?” Eli called from somewhere upstairs.

  “I’ll see to him,” Joe offered, kicking off his shoes and heading for the stairs before she could refuse. Hannah seemed to have things well under control here, and he wanted to check on Dex, anyway. If Joe was being honest, a part of him wanted to see the boy again, too.

  As he headed up the stairs, he could hear Abel attempting to smooth Hannah’s hackles. He chuckled to himself and shook his head. It wouldn’t work. When she was this mad, the only thing that soothed her temper was time. The best thing that man could do for his cause was leave. If he hadn’t figured that out by now, then there was no hope for him. And shamefully, that pleased Joe to no end. The thought of Hannah with Abel Adams drove him mad with jealousy. It wasn’t that Abel was a dishonorable man, or even a poor match for Hannah—if she’d loved him. Joe just couldn’t stand the idea of her with anyone—except him.

  How the hell was he going to let go of the woman when his heart refused to? He’d only been back a short time and already he thought of her as his. Those buried emotions rose to the surface, testing his self-control. Something he admittedly hadn’t exercised a lot of since joining the outside world. If he let himself go with her, let her see the undisciplined and sexually carnivorous man he’d become, she’d no doubt never look at him the same again.

  “Ma…?”

  Joe followed the little voice down the hall to the first room on the right. He stepped inside, and his heart stuttered in his chest as the thought struck him… This could have been my life, my family… Relaxing evenings and bedtime stories…

  But his course was set in another direction, he rationalized. Did that mean his path was unalterable? Because it felt pretty fucking concrete, and yet the what-ifs were having a field day with his mind.

  The little blond-haired boy who had his mother’s eyes looked at him with disappointment. He was probably expecting his ma, and no doubt he missed his father terribly. As Joe studied the boy snuggled under the covers, clutching a book in his hands, the desire to fill that void rose inside him swift and unexpectedly. Not since the day he walked away from this life had the thought of becoming a parent crossed his mind. He’d never even had the inkling of an itch—before this moment. Another reason his ex had left him…

  Dexter lay across the foot of the boy’s bed, tail thumping the covers in greeting, but he refused to vacate his spot beside his little charge. He hadn’t realized Dex liked kids so much. In the past, he’d never given them the time of day. But Hannah was right; there was a special connection between these two.

  Eli’s frown deepened as Joe stepped inside his room.

  “Hey, buddy, what’s the matter?” Joe asked, coming over to sit on the side of his bed.

  “Are you gonna take him home?” Eli looked so sad. His bright blue eyes glistened in the lamplight, his chin doing that stubborn tilt just like his mother’s whenever she was trying not to cry.

  “Who? Dexter?” The dog rested his head across the boy’s legs and exhaled a big, groaning sigh. Large brown eyes looked up at him as if asking, Do I have to go? Dex didn’t want to leave Eli, either. Joe reached down to scratch the dog’s ears.

  Eli nodded, his gaze dropping to the book in his hands, his voice softened to a hesitant whisper as he confessed, “I have bad dreams…”

  Joe’s heart cramped inside his chest. “Would you like Dexter to stay with you tonight?”

  Eli’s eyes lit up like Joe had given him the moon, and damn if that wasn’t a feeling he could get used to. His blond, moppy head shook up and down excitedly.

  “All right, then. Dex can spend the night.”

  “Thank you!” Eli scrambled out from under his covers and threw his arms around Joe’s neck, hugging him tight.

  The show of affection caught him off guard, but his arms automatically closed around Eli. The sensation was foreign, holding someone so small, but at the same time something shifted inside his heart, a missing piece clicking into place as a sense of rightness came over him. He didn’t have a lot of experience with kids—none, actually—but the instinct to love and protect this child blindsided him.

  Clearing his throat of the emotion lodged there, Joe gently peeled the little guy off him. “What book do you have there?” he asked, helping to tuck Eli back under the covers.

  “My favorite. Peter Rabbit…” He held up the book for Joe to see. “Wanna read it to me?”

  Joe chuckled. “I’d love to read it to you. I haven’t heard this story since I was a kid.” He swung his legs up on the bed, and Eli snuggled in beneath Joe’s arm like they’d done this a thousand times.

  Joe cracked the cover of the book and settled back against the headboard. “Once upon a time, there were four little rabbits, and their names were, Flopsy, Mopsy, Cotton-tail, and Peter. They lived with their mother in a sand-bank underneath the root of a very big fir-tree. ‘Now my dears,’ said old Mrs. Rabbit…”

  Chapter Eighteen

  When Abel left, things were not good between them, and Hannah wondered if she was going to regret it. Had she made a terrible mistake by refusing him again? She relied on him for a lot, especially where Eli was concerned. But he’d shown a side of himself that alarmed her.

  She believed he genuinely cared for her. Unfortunately, she didn’t share the same romantic sentiments about him. He was jealous of Josiah and angry she was helping him. Why couldn’t he understand that this was something she had to do for Cassie?

  Maybe Abel was right. If she truly believed that’s all this was, then she was lying to herself as much as him. Her heart was in knots over the man who’d broken it so long ago, and perhaps Abel saw what she refused to.

  “He’ll leave ya and break yer heart all over again, Hannah…”

  Abel’s prediction haunted her as she locked the door and leaned against it, taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm the emotional turmoil inside her. Where was Josiah? He’d been gone an awfully long time. She headed up the stairs to check on him and Eli. Halfway through her climb, Josiah’s husky voice floated down to her, the smooth deep cadence comforting her wrought nerves.

  Quietly, she finished her climb. Once she reached the top of the stairs, his words became clearer and tears pricked her eyes as realization struck. She clamped her hand over her mouth, holding back the sob threatening to break free. He’s reading a bedtime story to my son…

  If the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach, the way to a woman’s heart was through her child. As she peeked around the corner, she found Josiah sitting on Eli’s bed with Dexter stretched across their feet, and her little boy cuddled in Josiah’s arms while he read him Tales of Peter Rabbit.

  In that moment, Hannah’s heart constricted, her breath stalled in her chest, and all the hurt she’d been holding onto as a shield began to melt. Lord, how would she ever let him go a second time?

  She wasn’t sure how long she stood in the hall, allowing herself to be carried away by the rich, soothing sound of his voice and the fairytale dream of a happily-ever-after that was finally within her grasp. But could she hold onto it? Or would Josiah walk out of her life when this case was over, leaving her devastated and alone all over again? Now she had more than just herself to consider. There was also a little boy’s heart at stake, and by the looks of it, he was just as taken with Josiah as she was.

  Eli had been through so much, and he was very fragile right now. Was she being irresponsible by allowing them to grow close to one another? Her heart ached from the fullness of watching them together and this brief glimpse of the life she’d always wanted. How far was she willing to go and what would she risk in order to claim this man’s heart once and for all? Would Josiah even want them? She’d been prepared to leave this world for him once. Could she do it again?

  All these months, she’d never witne
ssed the kind of tenderness between Abel and Eli that she was seeing with Josiah. And deep down, maybe that was partly what held her back from accepting Abel’s proposal. Her son needed a man in his life who would not only provide for him and keep him safe but would nurture and love him.

  “I am sorry to say that Peter was not very well during the evening. His mother put him to bed and made some chamomile tea; and she gave a dose of it to Peter. ‘One tablespoonful to be taken at bedtime.’ But Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cotton-tail had bread and milk and blackberries for supper.”

  The spine of the book creaked when Josiah closed it. From her hiding place, she watched as he set it on the nightstand and then carefully slipped out of the bed. He gently laid Eli’s little head on the pillow and readjusted the covers before dimming the lamp to a soft, nightlight glow. As he passed the end of the bed, he ruffled the dog’s head. “Keep an eye on him, Dex.”

  He quietly closed the door behind him then turned, looking surprised to find Hannah standing there. “How long have you been out here?”

  His husky voice rolled over her and reverberated in the marrow of her bones. She shrugged, hiding the effect standing so close was having on her. “Long enough…”

  He studied her a moment, and she was thankful he couldn’t hear the thoughts going through her head. It was bad enough she couldn’t hide them from the Good Lord, lest she be shamed twice for her sinful desire. But merciful heaven, she didn’t think she’d ever been more attracted to him than she was at this moment—quietly leaving her son’s room after reading him a bedtime story and putting him to sleep. Every mother’s fantasy…

  “I, uhh…hope I wasn’t overstepping. Eli asked me to read the book and you were busy, so I—”

  Hannah threw her arms around Josiah’s neck, tugging him down and pressing her lips against his. He tensed a moment, seeming caught off guard by her boldness, but then his hands dropped to her hips, fingertips curling into her flesh. She prayed he wouldn’t push her away.

  His scent, his heat… It was incredible, his lips pressed against hers was better than she’d remembered. She needed this. She needed him. Just a few moments to forget about everything and escape to a time when it had only been her, Josiah, and his promises of forever.